My Dear Friends, 

I hope this mail finds you in a constructive and positive frame of mind. I know that can be hard to come by during these times of such uncertainty, and I know that I am beginning to struggle to always find the positive. But I still believe it is there for us to find if we look.

There are different sorts of uncertainty, and I have always relished the thoughts that come naturally to me that allow me to see things differently. 
For example I can always admit that people can have very valid opinions that are different from mine, and that there are always more ways of looking at absolutely everything.
I love the fact that we learn most from those who are most different from us, and I so enjoy that moment when my ideas change because of the wisdom of someone else.

It is also the case that I am not great at making decisions, mainly because I grew up with the idea that ‘Everything is beautiful in it’s own way’ (There is a song in there somewhere) So when Sandra asks ‘Should I wear these shoes, or these shoes?’ I struggle to have a definite answer.
But all of that is fine, and in a sense enjoyable. 
But there is another sort of uncertainty, and that is to do with knowing if we are following the right spiritual path. There is truth in so many different ways, and I don’t want to be arrogant and say that I am right and another is wrong.

For most of the time, I am extremely happy with the Christian tradition that has been such a big part of my life all my life, and it makes such sense to me that I would hate to be with it. But sometimes, in some situations I don’t know what to do, or say, or even think.

My Benedictine discipline always comes to my aid, with it’s encouragement to keep on praying even if we don’t feel like it. When I am lying awake at night, struggling with some issue, I do find great comfort in saying the office of Compline. I have a free app on my phone ‘Daily Prayer; produced by Church House publishing, and it has Morning, Evening and Night (Compline) Prayer refreshed for every day. Brilliant.

It just so happens I had a restless night yesterday, but my Dear Friend Tony Parker had sent me this prayer written by the Trappist monk, Thomas Merton, who died in 1968. It is perfect for me, and I find it such a help. In it he offers these consoling words.   

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will, does not mean that I am. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I do. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death; I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” Amen  

These things we sort of already know are true, but to read them, or to hear them makes them particularly real.

So Bless you Tony. Bless you Thomas (Can I Bless people already in heaven – of course I can), and Bless you for reading this prayer out loud, and feeling closer to God as a result.

As ever,

Fr Marcus